February 13, 2010

What things in life can we control? We can control what we eat, when we sleep, who we hang around, how we spend our free time- you get the picture. There are far more things in life which we cannot control. These are always the big things; the cliché about death and taxes comes to mind.

Fertility falls into the latter category. The term “family planning” used to make sense to me, but now I see it as an oxymoron. The paradox here is that you can’t plan a family. And those of us throughout time who have managed, those people do no different than you or me. They get lucky, and how often does luck come into play when you’re planning something? Seriously.

So I have vowed to give up control. I can choose when to have sex, which doctor to visit or to take my temperature. I cannot control what will happen. I also cannot control how I feel about it all, I cannot shut off or turn on, I cannot take a vacation and forget about it, I most certainly cannot change my mind in any way. I am stuck on this ride, and I have no control.

I take pleasure in the fact that all this struggle and all my tears will be worth it in the end. But I can’t make it happen for me, I can only wish.

I wish, I wish, I wish.




One Response to “Control.”

  1. Lia said

    Such a powerful life lesson…giving up the illusion that we have control. Realizing that we don’t have control AND learning to be at peace with this…what a huge step towards freedom; unburdened by our own imagined constraints.

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