Positively positive.

February 12, 2010

Are we struggling with fertility or having more time to grow together?

Are we feeling like this is the end of the road or learning more about what kind of parents we would like to be in the future?

Are we weighed down or hopeful?

Lots of things to consider, right? It’s so important (however challenging) to keep the chin up. So much worse can and will happen in our own lives. Yes sir. So I’ve decided to create a list of things which will help keep us living in the positive.

I’ve called the list, hold on to your pants, “Lisa’s List of Positives”… I know, super creative, right? Didn’t I tell you all I was an English teacher?

Lisa’s List of Positives

1) Hot, hot, hot. When it comes time to choosing a fertility doctor, choose one who is hot. Why hot? Because you spend a lot of time with this person, you might as well enjoy the view. And for those of you who just thought about something dirty, don’t be gross. Even the hottest man in the world, holding a speculum, loses his lustre.

2) Keeping fit. A huge part of getting your body ready for fertility treatments is to get fit. What great motivation the possibility of having baby can be! So take a long walk after dinner, join a gym or buy a cheap elliptical off Craigs list and just spend time looking at it while it collects dust and your husband says ‘I told you so’… umm … sorry- a little off track there. Anyway, you know what I mean. Here’s the secret: you may get so fit that you won’t want to get pregnant after all because it will ruin your body, and we always get what we don’t want. Right ladies?

3) Kama Sutra. Listen to me good here. You will have LOTS OF SEX, sometimes (ok most times) when you don’t even want to. So why not take the time, with your husband, or someone else (but I am not responsible if your marriage breaks up here) and learn new tricks in the sex department? You will not only impress your man, but you will be the envy of all your friends with kids, who hardly have time to brush their teeth each day.

4) Go out. Go out, all the time. How many couples with kids have told you that you need to make the most of this time alone? Let’s learn from each other people! Go out, often and very, very late. Make the others jelous. Become VIP members at hot clubs, salsa dance, try skydiving (not at night, or when you’ve been drinking). The idea here is to kick up your heels. Or, you can spend one evening, ever so often, at your local pub. Just keep reminding yourself that you could go out all the time. If you wanted.

5) Sleep. Take this opportunity of not having a baby to sleep. Some days you should go home after work, and sleep. Just for the hell of it. Sleep when you’re not even tired. Sleep all the time. Remember to tell your friends who have children how tired you are from over sleeping.

There you have it. My first list of positives. There will be more to come along the way. For now, smile to yourself knowing how much you can sleep, go out and have sex while being in shape and regularly visiting your hot doctor.




February 11, 2010

Yesterday I took a break from writing to be inseminated. I know how mechanical I make it sound. Those of us who have had the pleasure of being introduced to the syringe-tube know that it is far from romantic, perhaps the furthest thing from romance and the closest thing to medieval torture. Torture?! Not really… well… only when it hurts.

I didn’t write a passage yesterday because yesterday was a day filled with tears and so I opted for no entry. When I say tears some people may envision big fat tears rolling down my cheek. Perhaps tears of frustration, where you have little hiccups accompanying said tears. Maybe even tears of rage where you are gritting your teeth together as the tears roll down-scratch that-spray out of your eyes. No, no, no my friends, the tears I speak of are tears of the hormonal sort.

Yesterday was a day where I wanted the real me to come back home. I was stuck in the body of a madwoman. I was stark-raving. It kind of hit me over breakfast with my husband across the street from the clinic where tears, the heavy kind, fell into my breakfast potatoes (which were very delish, thank you). I didn’t stop crying when the waiter came, nor did I make apologies when my crying drew attention from other diners. Nope. I wanted to murder them all for looking at me. How dare they! Don’t the know what I’m going through?

Each pill I pop creates a new version of the old me; a more sensitive, more angry and more weepy version. I wouldn’t say ‘new and improved’, I’d just say ‘new’.

I continued eating my watered down breakfast potatoes, glaring at the other customers and watching my poor husband struggle to find words to make me calmer.

The day ended with bright red eyes and a well deserved nap.

My one postitive from this experience? I saved time by not having to use make-up remover.


This won’t hurt a bit.

February 9, 2010

Do you remember the exact date that you decided to investigate this fertility thing? From the moment we agree to embark on this trip, we learn more than we ever wanted to know about how our reproductive systems work. We essentially hand over our bodies.

Women are not the only ones impacted by this either. Our male counterparts have to pee in a cup, give of their blood, ejaculate on command or have their testicles squeezed, poked, prodded and x-rayed.

Once the men undergoing fertility investigation survive these vigorous rounds of tests then the doctors move on to the women. Now is the time to become very comfortable with stirrups, as they will be your one constant throughout this process. We will be probed with an object one can only compare to a dildo, have our insides flushed with salty water, given blood time and time again, been shot in the stomach with a needle,  planted pills in our vaginas, have invasive surgical investigation, peed in cups and shown our most private parts to a plethora of doctors, nurses and specialists. We know what our uterus looks like, the shape and size of our ovaries and the ever so slight curve of our fallopain tubes. We can tell you if and when we ovulate, the size of the follicle and when it will fall. We know what needs to be better, smaller, bigger, greater, lesser or stickier.

At the end of this dance with the private clinics and the public humiliation. At the end of the heartache, uterine-ache and desire for nothing more than to have our life filled with a child, we will succeed. One way or another.

So what is the trick to surviving?

Laugh. Even when your legs are spread apart and you have no underwear on.



February 8, 2010

Those of us who are fertilely-challenged have no doubt heard the phrase “just relax”, from a family member or friend. If relaxation was all it took, that family member or friend would be rolling in it.

All the fertility clinics that exist today would be replaced by relaxation centers, where they serve red wine. Imagine, all that anxiety, all those tests and probes- all for nothing. It was the relaxation factor we all overlooked.

Move over doctor, my uncle has prescribed a trip to an all inclusive.

Ahhh… if dreams really could come true.


I am a relative newbie to the whole fertility thing. Having just passed my second year without conceiving, in the wide world of fertility, I am but a child.

I have become familiar with the fertility terminology (which is quite extensive) and find myself hung up on the one word used over and over to desribe the little mass of cells which ultimately stick to your uterus… a bean.

So here I am open and honest, sometimes heartbroken, wishing for a bean of my own.